How It All Ends, Reborn

Two-thousand twelve had passed.

For me, it has been a year of reinventing myself. It's the aftermath of 2011. It's rebuilding it all, reshaping it all, and finding everything beneath the ruins. 2011 was all assuring that I am okay. Though it's a hard long walk along the year. But, I was starting 2012 with so much hopes and faith and optimism.

And yes it is.

First quartal.

January's always a beginning. Not big, still subtle, but you know you're taking the first step. I'm so glad that I get to meet new friends by joining church activities. It's also the start of my DIY things. At first, I just need a let out, a place to let go of any feelings inside. Accessories making and flower arranging was taking it's turn as the let out and it's becoming a thing just to keep myself busy, but it was super fun. It's also when I got my own real project to handle at the office. I got to collaborate with architects from San Francisco. And as the project's moving really fast, I get to learn a lot in such a short time. April will forever always be my favorite month. I got to spend my birthday with my family, and my friends. Presents and the attention is uber-sweet. And April is the month I started my 24x365 project. 

Second quartal.

It may not yet be the turning point of 2012, but this is the starting point. Hanging out with new friends, enjoying work so much, and I'm starting to feel so happy again. This is when I found my old-self again, through a good-friend of mine. I'm starting to remember how was I. Bought new guitar, starting to do stuffs I used to love to do. 

Third quartal.

After a very impulsive attempt, this is when, in the first time of my life, I cut my hair really short, and pretty boy-ish. Turning over from accessories making to singing and doing music covers as my keeping-busy activity. I went to Singapore to watch Sigur Ros, solo travelling. This might be the most memorable moments of 2012. Everything's like coming into place. Starting the running habit, not yet a routine habit, but I'm getting there. Coming to the end of the year, I spent a lot of time with friends and also enough with family. Though to be honest, family time's still not that much, but I still try to find time.

Closing the year, I was so glad to have my family and my friends by my side. 

The aftermath of 2011 brings me closer to new friends who now holds special places in my heart.

2012 opens doors to a lot of things, love, life, heartbreak, starting over; to me and to the people around me. Everything happens so fast I'm still grasping it in.

I didn't really have anything in mind starting 2012. I just wanted to go through the year, making the best out of it, and finding everything along the way. And it turned out pretty good. I couldn't ask for more for 2012. It has been a wonderful transition. And now, 2013 is the year I've been waiting. BIG plans for 2013. I'm hoping for new adventures, new love, and a better me.

2013 will be a year of faith, and I am very excited about it.

Universe, bring it on again! 

And My Heart Goes Nananana

I never thought, listening to someone voice, for just a little bit, and most importantly where the voice is spontaneous, could make you long for the presence of that person. Like you miss them and you want to enjoy their presence.

So then I went and did this cover version of one of my favorite song by Adam Sandler on The Wedding Singer. It represents, the sweetness of someone's presence.



But then again, I wish I had a chance to say "Hello, I miss you", oh there I just did :)

Sigur Rain

The best experience ever. It's a dream come true. Never thought I would experience this. I was shivering since the beginning. Enjoying it too much it feels like a sweet lullaby. 

Nearing the end suddenly it rains. As the encore starts, the rain was getting heavier in rhyme with the beat of the song. And after the last encore, the rain stopped. It was magical. 

I was in awe. Literally in awe. I just couldn't believe it. I was still covering myself with ponchos (I was pretty sick the day before, didn't want to get worse) when I saw other people were already taking their umbrellas and ponchos of.

Magical. Goddish.

From Where I

23 November 2012

at the airport waiting for boarding, free wi-fi, and hey! the everlane side pocket is perfect for passport and boarding pass. first time solo travelling. super exciting

arriving at noon at Singapore. strolling down the promenade at Marina Bay while waiting for lunch gathering with friends working nearby. It's a very bright day actually, putting some sunnies.

after lunch, walking to the concert venue. sort of get lost. but it's fun. Singapore is small, we wouldn't get so lost and so late anyways.

woops! it's raining hard. so close to the venue, but so foolish that I was hesitant to buy ponchos at 7-eleven. and now, stuck at the bus stop, waiting for the rain to stop pouring so hard.

arriving at the venue! concert was beyond awesome. Sigur Ros was playing magic, and made the rain Gods too happy. One of the best concert!

 24 November 2012

Walk again, now around Garden's by The Bay. I am super impressed with the parks at Singapore. They're truly what you called a park. Continue the day with some museum hops, meeting with Ucha, and dinner then hang outs around Clarke Quay and also meeting Bobo after awhile. He's different now. 

 25 November 2012

Henderson Wave. Awesome place, pictures and all. Then off to...

 Ikea!!! The day started rather late so I was rushed at Ikea. Only a quick glance at everything then had a BIG lunch. Then off we go home :(

Waiting at the airport. Tired, but so happy. Another great journey. Bought some chocolates and magazine to cure boredom and stomach cramps.

Thank you, Singapore. 

Takk, Sigur Ros.

Thank you, Universe.

Good night, sleep tight.

I May Be, But I Am

I may be tired, but I am blessed.
I may be lacking, but I am learning.
I may be walking alone, but not really.

This is the third day, and probably the longest day I had so far with the workshop and meetings. Started at 10am and ended at 8pm.

I may be tired, but I am blessed. To be able to learn, and to meet wonderful, smart, passionate, and helpful people is beyond anything I had ever imagined. I am truly blessed.

I may be lacking (in terms of knowledge), but I am learning. And the people around me are just as eager to share their knowledge. Therefore, I am still blessed.

I may be walking alone, but not really. Facing some things alone, like the late intimate meeting, may sound scary for a newbie like me, but it's less now. I know colleagues are always supporting me, and the great power above would always help me afloat. So once again, I knew I am blessed.

No Doubt Like Lykke Li

"... but how we move from A to B, it cant be up to me 'cause you don't know...

...I think I'm a little bit, little bit, A little bit in love for you

But only if you're a little bit, little bit

Little in l-l-love form me, oh, oh..."

"... we're so lucky

still holding on

just like venus in the morning sun

you and me got gravity"

music, represents

Vice Versa?

It might not be the best cover version, but well, it's been a while since I produce something categorized in the music thing. After sunday mass, I went to my room and start doing this project. I'd wanted to record this for a while, it's been one of my favorite songs at the moment. So there I went. My room. Figuring out how to produce similar sounds, picking the tone at the keyboard, finding the chords, arranging the clapping, the tracks division, the sound of the drum bass, the harmonizing and sooooo on.. it was pretty exhausting at one point. I was done half way at that point. So I took a break.

Moments later, I was repeating the whole track, 18 layers of them. One by one, starting from the drum bass. At first, I used the drum bass sampler from the keyboard, but it doesn't produce the sound I wanted. So I started hitting my guitar, and pretty much it sells. Next, the clapping. This was the most fun. I even did three layers of it. Haha! One for the ordinary clap, one for the other ordinary clap, and one for the double clap. The clapping,  I must confess, was the best part of the record. Then I continue with the guitar, the keyboard part, and the vocals with the harmonization.

  Love Lost (Temper Trap Cover) by ireinna

PS: If you hear any hiss-ing sound, thats the rain. Any weird out of tempo knock, that's the street vendor or my cousins dinner cooking. Haha!

PPS: Check out my mix-tape on 8tracks to find out my latest "jam".

Afternoon walk

It has really been a looong time since I been on a walk around town. And today was the exception. After project meeting, I had a dinner reservation with the girls at Union. Instead of going back to the office and driving all the way back through traffic jam, I decided to be dropped at the nearest Transjakarta stop, then take one stop ride to Senayan. So here am I. Already at Plaza Senayan, not sweaty at all, but dusty, in my brand new Everlane backpack, and feeling super cool. Afternoon stroll is da bomb! Ha!

The Backpack

So I bought the Everlane backpack awhile ago. After a hustle bustle from San Francisco through this and that through here and there it has finally landed so safely and so pretty in my fat hands in Jakarta! (Thanks to Rocky and Kak Almer and my bro).

The detail was so nice. The website doesn't lie. Seriously. The canvas was so sturdy. The leather snap and the drawstring was sleek. The interior was also sleek. The laptop sleeve. Not a single regret. Here's pictures of it.

The Soul Searching

These are pictures from last week when I went soul-searching for a new guitar. The first three pictures, it was a Dame guitar. It was on sale, I tried it. It sounded dry, the grip doesn't feel right. But the color and the shape is pretty much what I'm looking for. But then... I pass. 

Andaru was suggesting Yamaha. So we went to look for a Yamaha. I tried some, but this one, sounded perfect. Yamaha APX500II. In crimson red. After rounds of thoughts, and two chicken strips later, bringing home my new guitar.

PS: This is sort of an impulse buying, with a few thoughts. :P

(Photos by: Desire S.)

Good Reads

Psalm 145:10-18

You open wide your hand
All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord,
and all your faithful shall bless you.
They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom,
and tell of your power,
to make known to all people your mighty deeds,
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures throughout all generations.
The Lord is faithful in all his words,
and gracious in all his deeds.
The Lord upholds all who are falling,
and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
You open your hand,
satisfying the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is just in all his ways,
and kind in all his doings.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

A-Three-Paragraphed Shy-Thank-You Post

Some people came into your life for a reason, some has a reason to stay, but some others just happened only to stop by. You see, the phase where someone "stepped" into my life moments ago, though maybe only for a moment, somehow switched my life back on, and he really did. I did not realize that until I somehow got my heart.. how do you call it, sort-of, "broken"?

I don't know how to thank him that, to feel those feeling again. It made me realize, aside from all the adventure that I miss, that this is me, this is the me that I also miss. The one who was hiding underneath a mask, trying so hard to become a better person, but becoming someone else. The one who's not afraid to fell in love, be heartbroken, and get up again; the one who's up to anything; the one who enjoys being alone yet also loved for an impulsive company.

Well you deserve a thank you. Maybe that's why you were here, to put a smile upon my face, straight up from the warmth of the heart. Maybe it's not your duty to make it stay; maybe it's mine, or maybe it's somebody else's. But nonetheless, once again, thank you. I owe you one.

It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

songs to listen to while reading my previous post

What Fits

Life is really trial and error, from the wake until we die. The past merely taught us on how to deal with the present, therefore. the past is a lesson.

About filling in what fits: I've learned that sometimes what you want isn't really what you need;it doesn't really fill in on what's empty deep inside. Fortunately, sometimes, what fits does arrived, so suddenly. And how long does it last? There is only uncertainty, for life is uncertain. And so again, another lesson learned. When that empty space is filled, you just cherish every moment within, while it last, or as if it would last forever. Because, there will be times when sometimes you got to let love -or universally speaking, something else- go, let it just pass through you, watering the dried soul, and then flow away.

It is so tempting to keep it, to hold on to it, as if it could last longer and perhaps forever. Maybe it's meant to be, but maybe it's just doing its job, filling in rough time. But then once again, who really knows?

"If you're looking for the love of your life, they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love" - Holstee Manifesto (video)

Keep your heart open. :)

Morning Matters

there are times when you just need to shut your brain off and listen to yourself, how ridiculous you are.

Again About Believing

I came across Praulo Coelho's tweet this morning saying, "If you believe you can do it, you are right. If you believe you can't do it, you are also right".

Then I have this thought about life, the life you're living. Life is mostly about pursuing, searching, looking, and maybe longing for something. I need no explanation on this. But perhaps some people will say that they're not pursuing anything; they're just living their lives, go with the flow, and not pursuing anything. In my opinion, in this kind of situation, you're still looking for something, you're looking for surprises in life. By that means, all of the condition above have something in common. We all have that certain hope on life. In order to achieve that hope or wishes or the target of the pursuit, you need to believe in it, you need to believe in the hope in it.

But that sense of believing, came from a place of a mixed of reality and dreams, something vague and something real, but believing in the dream itself is a stepping stone. I mean to be realistic, a poor beggar can't instantly be rich just by believing in it, he/she must do something about it, right? But doing something about it without believing in it, doesn't make sense either, because you're just auto-pilot-ing your life like a robot.

So now what should I do? What should we do? I think I'm gonna start believing (again) in my dreams, believing in the pursuit of my dreams. I, myself, am still trying to fill in what fits in life, finding which puzzle fits, which dream fits. Lately, I spent too much time worrying on fears and uncertain realities instead of building hopes, dreams, and believes. I guess just need to get a hold on a hunch of believe, and the next step is only another foot forward.

Peterpan Gold Necklace

picture from Harpers Bazaar Australia

I was browsing through Pinterest, and I found this DIY chain bow necklace. I immediately grab my diy box and start making it. It's pretty easy, and the instruction from Harpers Bazzar (Australia) was so clear. I copied it here for easy resource.


Here's what you need:

- Around 1 metre of delicate gold chain.
- One lobster clasp
- 5 gold jump rings
- Beading plyers
- Scissors

1. Cut your chain into three pieces - one around 50cm, and the other two around 25 cm.
2. Create the base of the necklace out of the longer piece of chain by attaching a jump ring to one end and the lobster clasp to the other end.
3. In the very middle of the chain attach a jump ring and the two other pieces of chain to this jump ring.
4. Put the necklace on and in a mirror hold up the ends of the two pieces chain to see where you think the collar parts of chain should sit. There isn't any right or wrong here - just test until you like the roundness of the collar.
5. Attach these remaining ends of chain with jump rings further up on the necklace to create the collar shape and feel free to cut shorter if required.

And voila! This is my version of the necklace!

PS: Tutorial images are from Harpers Bazaar Australia.

The Power

Christ the vine

(John 15:1-8)

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine-grower. He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."

Today's reading is very nice and simple, and the homily at church today was very simple for me, and basically reminds me of how we should live. The pastor kept on repeating, "Without Him (in us), we are nothing. Without Him, we are just angry humans. Without Him, we are just lazy humans. Without Him..." emphasizing on without Him (in us).

Not to sound preachy or anything, this simple thing may look simple, but to abide in Him fully (and vice versa), it's not really an easy thing to do. But maybe we could keep asking to ourselves, what would we be without Him. This "Him" can refer to anything you rely on for power, for strength, and mostly for life. IMHO, It really doesn't matter what religion or believes you have.

This may be bias, but what I realize today is that, without that "power" in you, what are you exactly? And with that "power" in you, aren't you suppose to act and to live by the reference of that power?

Twenty-four by 365

I started a project, inspired by the lovely Christa to make an everyday short diary in pictures. So please have a look, it is called 24x265, a long way to 25 :D

Gonna be a good year, right?

RAINBOW DAY

I woke up today earlier, checking alarm, not yet time to wake up, and went back to sleep. I suddenly remember, it is my birthday today. I said a little prayer, wishing for things I no longer could remember, I guess it was something like, "Thank you God for another day and another year added to my life, thank you for every breath I take, every noise I hear, every touch I feel, all the love from the families and friends. The littlest love matters the most......" and I guess I fell back to sleep after no even finishing it.

Waking up, reading all the messages on BBM, the prayers send to me, the wishes, the funny pictures, along the day, really made my day. And to say the least, this year's prayers are the most heartwarming and the sweetest prayer, involving a lot of hopes for tomorrows :) Thank you guys. It is true, family extend beyond blood bound. 

Sweetnesssss.. today I got -sort of- three cakes. One, triple chocolate cake from two little office mate, sweet sweet cake. Second one, a box set of maccaroons from, well it's kind of confusing whether it's from my mom, my brother, or my cousin, since I think they got the wrong cue about the cake. I ate a few not yet all, sweet.. sweetness. 

Third one, this is the legend wait for it... dary... one. The famous rainbow cake!!!! I couldn't help but only examined it when it arrives on the table. Until my brother said, "That cake is only a display, you know, you shouldn't eat it." And goes the first dip... to my dads. I got pretty much the rest of the cake after everyone got a taste of it. It was... delicious. It tastes like rainbow really. Dream come truuueeee.......

I got a watch, a blouse, a purse, set of transparant shoe box organizer, and the sweetest do-it-yourself bracelet from Melissa :) Maybe I did not get hydrangea cupcakes or even a bucket of hydrangea flowers, as in I mentioned in the previous post, but.. the decor in the restaurant we ate tonight was full of sweet pink hydrangeas :) Sweet coincidence! I know you can do it, universe....

Well, it has been a blessful year, and sure will be another one ahead. :)

HINTS!

These are the hints for the upcoming April 11th!

clockwise:

1. Hydrangaea cupcakes

2. Wherever watch from Dezeen Watch Store

3. iPod Touch 4th Gen from Apple

4. Hydrangaea flower bucket

Told you it's an already shorter list.

Satur-diy!

A theme I ruin is growing! Spend the whole mornings and noons on these babies :) 

I Want To...

...live in one of these.



If the Tanner family lived in one of these, why shouldn't I?

You Dare?

If you dare ask me what I want for my birthday, I would simply answer:

plane tickets.

San Fransisco, New York, Alaska, Europe, Australia? Whichever, I'm in.

Pink-ish

Last Sunday was the wedding day of two of my beloved friend who also happens to be my senior in college. They were like the "it" couple of the campus and the architecture department. They hold a special place in everyone's heart, I guess, judging from the guests of their wedding which is mainly their friends and close relatives. I could almost see everyone "famous" from my college during their college years. 

I'm wearing a pink kebaya and jarik, traditional Javanese costume. It was a "uniform" for couple of juniors, while their classmates wear green and fruity color kebaya also. It turned out to be very very lovely. The color selection turned out to be very pretty and fresh, though at first I thought it would be very noisy in terms of color. They blend very nicely. The decoration was beautiful, with blooming flowers, trees, and porch like decoration makes you feel rather outdoor than indoor. The ceremony itself was very quick and serene.

Here's some pictures :)

May God bless your wedding, Maya & Ezra.